Confessions

1. I like Justin Bieber. There...I said it.

And don't give me that brouhaha about him sounding like a girl. I have ears that work. I know.

But if there are people in this world that can listen to a full song sung by a certain pop star that spells her name with a money sign, brushes her teeth with a bottle of jack, and wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy, well...let's just say I'm entitled to listen to a pre-pubescent teenager singing about feelings he's too young to experience.

But seriously. Listen to "One Time (My Heart Edition)" on Itunes. Catchy.

2. I shamelessly eat anchovies on my pizza.

This has subjected me to so much dinner-table scrutiny that I'm sometimes tempted to not order them just to avoid the resounding "eeeewwwwws" or the waiter's bulging eyeballs when he realizes that the 21-year-old female college student just asked for small, brown, salty fish to be served with her pizza. But they're just so darn tasty. I have an eclectic palette. So sue me. I always carry minty gum with me. It's really not a problem.

My boyfriend is fully aware of this and he still likes me.

Or so he says.

3. I used to want to be a police-woman just so I could use a taser gun.

This one really requires no explanation other than those 'dreams' have since evolved into something a little more substantial. I have chosen a career path that I truly love for all the right reasons...not one that will allow me to administer 1000 volts of electricity into someone's body and send them flailing into an electric seizure just for my personal enjoyment.

I'm not an angry teenager anymore.

Thank God.

4. I can't burp.

This one doesn't really need much explanation either. Something about my poor little esophagus doesn't connect to my stomach quite right, and well, it complicates things. Drinking a coke is like swallowing a helium balloon. I usually tell people this right up front because since I can't burp, I gurgle. I sound like a lion. My friends think it's cool. Those who don't think it's cool don't stay my friend for very long.

My boyfriend is also aware of this.

He thinks it's neat.

Or so he says.

5. I'm surprised I'm still alive.

When I was four, I was digging through our junk drawer when I came across a brown magic marker. I asked my mom if I could have it.

"No, Ash, that's for touching up scratches in furniture. Put it back."

I thought that was so cool. So cool, in fact, that I grabbed a fork, walked into the dining room, and proceeded to carve the letter "A" into my parents oak dining room table. I told my mom that I had found a scratch and that she needed to come use the marker on it.

I honestly don't remember much after that. I think my brain has blocked the events that occurred directly following that incident, but I'm pretty sure my mom cried.

Dining room tables are really expensive. So thanks, Mom, for not killing me. I definitely deserved it.