I was skimming the headlines tonight and this one caught my eye: GQ's Valentine's Day Gifts Women Will Flip For.
I was in a challenging mood, so I decided to click on it to see if these people actually knew their stuff.
Turns out, no, they did not.
At all.
Here are some things they recommended as gifts for Valentine's Day:
#1.
At first I thought this was vanilla extract or hydrogen peroxide in a fancy bottle. Turns out, it's fabric cleaner. And it's $35. You know, I'd almost rather my boyfriend give me vanilla extract for Valentine's Day because then I could drink it and pass out so that I could temporarily avoid the anger/hurt/resentment that comes along with getting such a horribly un-romantic Valentine's Day gift.
#2.
A $90 pillow. Really? Am I on candid camera? Oh, I think I understand now. This must be one of those "How-To-Get-Rid-Of-Your-Girlfriend-Fast-When-You-Find-Another-Girl-You-Want-To-Date" articles. Because I think this pillow would do the trick.
Granted, it's a beautiful pillow. But I, personally, do not enjoy getting pillows as gifts. It's sort of like getting underwear for Christmas -- I feel like the whole point of giving gifts is giving the other person something they don't necessarily need, but rather, something they want. I don't know, maybe that's just showing my immaturity on the subject...
#3.
So out of all the incredibly cute things one can find at J.Crew, these morons managed to pick the ONE thing I wouldn't want. Impressive. Unless you're dating Hugh Hefner, I'd suggest staying away from these.
#4.
"Oh, thanks honey, for the steak knives you gave me for Valentine's Day. I think I'll actually use them right now...to kill you." Trust me, don't give a crappy gift that can double as a weapon, especially on Valentine's Day.
The description they give isn't much better: "but in an array of colors with a badass Napoleonic seal engraved on their stainless steel shafts, they'll be sure to incite some revolutionary cooking." That description sounds suggestive.
No. No. No. These look like they could be in a dorm room. No.
#5.
Now I'm just appalled. In the article, they actually say, "It's always daunting to give your girl a ring, even one that's as far from a diamond as this strikingly modern, spherical violet band."
So...you're admitting that your girlfriend probably won't like it, but suggesting it anyway? Dude, diamonds are forever. Not to mention this contraption costs less than the stupid fabric cleaner you've already suggested.
In their defense, they got a few things right. Like this camera:
I actually have this camera and it's the best thing in the world. The film is $18 a roll and it costs almost that much to send it off to be developed, though, so unless she has a small fortune stored away for Lomo photography, it can be disappointing. But it does look beautiful hanging in my room and sometimes I walk around with it on my shoulder just to look cool.
And this "Forget Me Knot" ring is sort of adorable. Surprisingly, I have nothing negative to say about it.
The best gifts have thought behind them. They don't have to be expensive; they don't have to be name brand. The best gifts I have gotten [besides my dog] have been handmade. Like this little guy:
Tom welded this "love machine" from old tractor parts and license plates. Every time I see it out in my yard, it reminds me that someone out there loves me enough to spend hours in a barn bending metal.
Either way, I determined that maybe the title isn't that misleading. Your girl will flip, but probably not in the way you were hoping.
Or maybe, it's all a matter of opinion. An interior designer may love that $90 white pillow that will show pet hair like crazy. Or if you're into modern stuff, maybe you'll like that horrible plastic ring that bears an odd resemblance to the Advair discus.
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